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trepidation
May. 10th, 2004 09:49 pmI don't wish to offend any of my Muslim readers-- I'd rather just offend my readers who are Christians, if I can help it --but there's something that I've been wondering about. It's about the seventy-two virgins.
Where do the virgins come from? Are they mortal women who happened to have died virgin? If so, where do their 72 virgins come from? I mean, they're in Paradise, so they must be among the virtuous, and they have virgins coming to them... I hope it's not like a big pyramid scheme.
Does Allah just spontaneously create virgins for anyone who's supposed to get them? If so, why do they get off so light? I mean, Allah waves his hand, boom, the virgins are there in Paradise without having to go through a mortal life, they're all set. How convenient for them. Is Allah recycling stillborn babies into virgins, maybe? Or maybe they're people who are yet to be born, so as soon as they get laid, down to Earth they go. So Paradise is full of women who don't want to go to bed with you...
Anyway, never mind all that. There's a more pressing question... why virgins? I mean, I don't want to be anyone's first time... what if I screw it up? Then I'll be forever known as 'that virtuous dork who drooled on my face while I lost my virginity.' I mean, I just died and went to Paradise... I don't need that kind of pressure right now.
I'd settle for seventy-two skanky but disease-free harlots when I get to Paradise. Someone who knows what they're doing. Or seventy-two geek girls, who compensate for their lower social status by becoming obsessively skilled at kinky sex... after a big celestial orgy we can talk about video games and then go get pizza.
Where do the virgins come from? Are they mortal women who happened to have died virgin? If so, where do their 72 virgins come from? I mean, they're in Paradise, so they must be among the virtuous, and they have virgins coming to them... I hope it's not like a big pyramid scheme.
Does Allah just spontaneously create virgins for anyone who's supposed to get them? If so, why do they get off so light? I mean, Allah waves his hand, boom, the virgins are there in Paradise without having to go through a mortal life, they're all set. How convenient for them. Is Allah recycling stillborn babies into virgins, maybe? Or maybe they're people who are yet to be born, so as soon as they get laid, down to Earth they go. So Paradise is full of women who don't want to go to bed with you...
Anyway, never mind all that. There's a more pressing question... why virgins? I mean, I don't want to be anyone's first time... what if I screw it up? Then I'll be forever known as 'that virtuous dork who drooled on my face while I lost my virginity.' I mean, I just died and went to Paradise... I don't need that kind of pressure right now.
I'd settle for seventy-two skanky but disease-free harlots when I get to Paradise. Someone who knows what they're doing. Or seventy-two geek girls, who compensate for their lower social status by becoming obsessively skilled at kinky sex... after a big celestial orgy we can talk about video games and then go get pizza.
