welcome to the hall of presidents

I was thinking about whether presidents of the past could be elected these days, given the current state of American politics. Here's what I came up with:

George Washington: Wouldn't get in. Bad teeth, not photogenic.
Thomas Jefferson: Too class-conscious. He almost didn't get in for that reason anyway.
Andrew Jackson: Too visibly racist. Radical 80s 'do scores points with me but not with electorate.
Martin Van Buren: Too ethnic.
Millard Fillmore: Porn star name. Your guess is as good as mine.
Abraham Lincoln: Too tall, too ugly. Hippie beard.
Ulysses S. Grant: Weird name; association with kinky James Joyce book.
James Garfield: Lasagna-eating cat name.
Grover Cleveland: Muppet name.
Teddy Roosevelt: Hell yes. Macho, jingoistic, shoots guns... he'd have to tone his racism down, and his pro-environment stance is difficult, but he's very electable.
William Howard Taft: Too fat.
Woodrow Wilson: Stupid name. What does 'woodrow' make you think of?
Warren G. Harding: See above.
Franklin D. Roosevelt: Wouldn't get in; crippled.
Dwight D. Eisenhower: He's in. A military man who knows how to game the system.
John F. Kennedy: He'd probably win. He's a pretty boy, and glib; and if a Jewish man can almost become vice-president, nobody's going to blink at a Catholic.
Jimmy Carter: If it wasn't for Watergate, Ford would have beat him. Ford's a jock. And by now we're used to presidents being satired mercilessly, so I think the electorate would overlook Ford's klutz factor.
Ronald Reagan: In. Actors and politicians are both professional liars; he had a lifetime honing both careers.

(no subject)

Someone's kicked in the front door of the apartment building, wedging it shut. I'm so glad I live in a nice building. I discovered this after carrying my bike down the stairwell, and subsequently had to carry it upstairs backwards. Fantastic.

Okay, which do you think is more likely?

a) Slobby troglodyte neighbors who are always propping it open anyway got frustrated with it and kicked it in.
b) Someone just happened to be walking past in our fairly decent neighborhood and just happened to get it into their heads to kick in our front door.

As you can see, I have my own theory. It's good that there's a back door, otherwise we'd all be kind of trapped in here.

In other news, dustmeat's soap arrived. Thank you! It's lovely, even if it won't scrub the darkness from my soul.